If we’re confident talking to our children about sex and relationships from an early age, they will grow up to be healthy, happy and sexually-responsible adults. They will find it easier to resist peer pressure and express their beliefs and values, delay sexual activity, have fewer sexual partners and be less likely to have an unplanned pregnancy or get a Sexually Transmissible Infection (STI).
Start early and ‘grab the moment’, says Family Planning. As soon as you start naming body parts with your child, include the genital areas. Talk about ‘penis’, ‘vulva’, ‘vagina’ and ‘testicles’ as well as ‘willy’, ‘diddle’, ‘fanny’ or whatever names your family chooses to use. If you see a pregnant woman, talk about pregnancy and how the baby got there. You’re aiming to give children a little amount of age-appropriate information, often. Look for books you can read together too.
What’s normal? Baby boys will have erections and baby girls will have lubrication from a very young age. This is a perfectly natural. Children will enjoy touching themselves and exploring their bodies; there is nothing erotic about this exploration, it’s a purely sensory experience. Don’t discourage or reprimand your child for touching themselves or they may feel there is something shameful about this part of their body.
From around 12 months of age children become very interested in difference. They’re interested in pets’ bottoms and the differences between girls and boys. Again this interest is perfectly normal and natural. However, it’s a good time to introduce the concept of public and private body parts and places, and appropriate and inappropriate touching. If you stumble upon behaviour you don’t feel comfortable with, be inquiring rather than inquisitorial. Say, ‘tell me about what you’re doing’, then gently explain that our bodies are special and while it’s ok to touch our bodies in private, it’s not ok to touch other people’s bodies.
If you suspect your child has been involved in inappropriate sexual activity, talk to them in a similar way. What we say and do at this time will have long-lasting effects on our children. If we react in a way that makes the child feels they have done something wrong, they may not talk to us as openly again.
Family Planning has tips on how, when and why to talk to young children about sex and sexuality.
It’s usually sometime around their first birthday that children find their feet and toddle off to explore the world.